Monday, September 5, 2016

What It's Like In The Inner Ring Of Hell

I live in the inner ring of hell. Or Phoenix, they are really the same thing. How do I know? Well, I haven't been to hell (yet) to verify, but it is September and Starbucks, Dunkin' and the stores are all spewing pumpkin spice crap everywhere like a drunk frat boy and it's 106 degrees outside. And it shows no signs of slowing down. So why do I live here? Why do any of the  4.5 million people around me live here? There are reasons. They may not be good ones, but there are reasons. There are the regular reason, job, school, family, etc., and then there are people who actually like it here in the summer. Yes, there really are. 

There are also some super fun facts that go with living in one of the hottest places on Earth that those of you in Minnesota may not be aware of.

1. Summer lasts for 5 and 1/2 months. For the other 5 and 1/2 we have "winter" which is really 2 short seasons that anywhere else pass for Spring and Fall.

2. In summer we have no such thing as cold tap water. The ground is so hot that the water is already luke warm when you turn on the faucet. This cuts down on face washing and shower times considerably.

3. I have seen people driving their cars wearing oven mitts and I consider than to not only be sane but wildly smart! You can get third degree burns from your door handles, your steering wheel and ESPECIALLY from the metal buckle on your seat belt.

See? It's so real someone made a meme out of it!

4. There are several automotive phenomenon that go along with the weather including Car-B-Q's, where cars catch fire, blown tires which littler the sides of the highways all summer and dead batteries. No battery makes it through it's warranty period, no matter how good. I have replaced my battery 3 times in 4 years and it's always free.

5. I don' know where all the working people go, but magically in the dead of summer the freeways are always clear. 

6. Yes, those dust storms (haboobs) are real and they look just like they do on TV. They are fairly slow moving though so you can always see them coming a long way away. No, it doesn't leave a layer of sand on everything. Just some dust.

7. It can be raining 1 mile from your house and never rain at your house.  They rain can come pouring down for 15 minutes and stop. We get a lot of our rain in the summer but it's completely random and sometimes only comes from one cloud that roams around a small area. Additionally we have summer things called "microbursts" which are like teen, tiny hurricanes that hit one small area very briefly, but rip out power lines and tear up 30 year old trees by the roots when they do.

8. Major real estate decisions are made based on which way your house faces.

So, is it worth it? Could 4.5 million people be wrong? Depends. Ask me in July and you will get a totally different answer than if you ask me in January.


  1. I live in Alberta, Canada. We have winter, with 2 feet of snow for 5.5 months of the year. Wanna trade?

    1. No! That's a saying around here. .."a least I don't have to shovel sunshine! "

    2. No! That's a saying around here. .."a least I don't have to shovel sunshine! "