Sunday, November 20, 2016

Get Over It

11 days ago, Donald Trump won the electoral college and as such is the President-Elect of the United States of America. Nearly instantly, almost anyone who didn’t vote for him was incensed, saddened, and/or frightened. And anyone who did vote for him took to social media with one message for them……”Get over it.”  

7 year and 10 months ago today, Obama was sworn in as the President of the United States for the first time. For 2863 days, as he has been President, I have listened to lies and garbage from people who did not vote for him and did not want him as President, many of them the same people who voted for Trump.

You want me to “get over it” when for the better part of the last 8 years you didn’t? Or couldn’t? Or just wouldn’t?

For the last 8 years

·      You spent 5 years questioning his place of birth, acting as though there was a question when it was well established fact. You supported a sheriff (mine) and a candidate (yours) who sent teams of people to Hawaii and claimed “they cannot believe what they are finding.”  What they found was nothing.
·      You defended the First Amendment rights of people who shot at photos of Obama or lynched and burned him in effigy, but deride the Trump protestors as whiny crybabies.
·      You complained that he has no experience in governing because he was “only” a one term senator and referred to him as a “community organizer.” Then you voted for someone who has no idea what he is doing and claimed that was a good thing.
·      You claimed Obama was not a Christian at all and was actually a secret Muslim, over and over and over again. In fact, you are still claiming it while voting for a man who has stated he has never asked for forgiveness of his sins because he doesn’t need forgiveness.
·      You screamed every minute of every day that Obama was going to take your guns, my guns, all the guns. No guns have been taken.
·      You said horrible things about his wife and children and marriage, going so far as to claim Michelle Obama is a man, while voting for someone with 5 kids from 3 different wives who cheated his way out of every marriage.
·      You claimed none of it had to do with race while people simultaneously fill twitter and facebook with tweets and memes using the word n****r. Then you vote for a candidate that was endorsed by the Neo-Nazis and the KKK.
·      You have wailed and gnashed your teeth the entire time because the country is “heading in the wrong direction!” And yet-
                The unemployment rate has been cut nearly in half from 9.3% to 4.9%
                 Violent crime has dropped 16% and homicides dropped 13%
                Jobs are up by 9.3 million and long term unemployed is down by 600k
                US crude production is up by 87% and petroleum imports are down by 62%
                Corporate profits are up by 166%, the S&P is up 139%, the Dow 106% and the
                Nasdaq up 222%

Then you told me to not to listen to anything Trump has said, because that doesn’t matter and he doesn’t mean that, but rather wait and see what he does.

·       He named a known and admitted alt-right white supremacist as is Chief Strategist
·      He either actually didn’t know about the hate crimes committed after the election and had to be told by Lesley Stahl or he lied about not knowing because he didn’t want to deal with it. I can’t decide which is worse.
·      He has refused to put his investments in a blind trust, instead insisting his kids will run his businesses.
·      He then appointed his kids to his transition team.
·      Then he took his daughter and son-in-law into a meeting with the Japanese PM. With no security clearance. And they are supposed to be running the “blind trust.”
·      He appointed for Attorney General, a man who was deemed too racist to be a judge in the 1980’s.
·      He has chosen a VP who believes gay people should change their sexual orientation through therapy and then complains when a theatre cast containing black and gay members try to send him a message about inclusion.
·      He jumped back into twitter by telling a complete lie about the letter from the editor of the NYT’s, claiming they “apologized” when no such thing happened.
·      He tweeted that the NYT’s was losing thousands of subscribers when they have actually increased subscribers at a rate 4 times higher than normal since the election.
·      He tweeted that there were “professional protestors” who were being “very unfair!” like some petulant 6-year-old.  Professional protestors do not exist and he was just perpetuating a ridiculous conspiracy theory that he either doesn’t care is wrong (scary) or doesn’t know is wrong (more scary.)
·      He falsely took credit (again on twitter) for keeping a Ford plant in Kentucky when, according to the President of Ford, they were never going to move, close or even reduce production at that plant. They were considering moving production of one car away, but ramping up production on others, but no jobs were ever in danger there. Because the union has a contract protecting workers until at least 2019.
·      He has appointed people to his transition team who want to register all Muslims and claim the internment of Japanese people as legal precedent.

And it has only been 11 days people. 11 days.  I have listened to your shit for 2863 days and I never said “you lost, get over it” despite the number of times I thought it. 

So, near as I can figure, I have 2852 days to say and do whatever I want in regard to Trump before I break even with you, let alone surpass you. So when you tell me to get over it, I have just one response for you….


I will not listen as you try to shame me into doing something you would never do.
As you try to convince me that I need to respect the “office” if I don’t respect the man, even though you never did.
 When you say that I need to come together for “unity” when you refused for 8 years to even consider it.
When you say that “his success is my success” when you have denied every Obama success even happened.

I am not going to get over it
As a matter of fact
I haven’t even gotten started yet.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Snowbird Season Official Opening

October 1st marks the official start of Snowbird Season and as such we have decided to put together a handy user guide for those of you new to this phenomenon. Please note that while October 1 is the beginning of the migration, the migration actually occurs during the months of October to January, with the final and last snowbirds  arriving by the start of January. Conversely, the return migration of snowbirds to areas north begins usually in April and the last stragglers are gone by Memorial Day.

October may start slowly, as it can still be somewhat warm, and so spottings can be rare. Do not get discouraged though as the bulk of birds are usually in place by November 1, making late October the best time to see snowbirds fresh from their natural habitat.

Snowbirds in general tend to be older, not starting their annual migrations until after their fledglings have left the nest, and are also usually covered in grey feathers, although there can be small variations.

When they first arrive snowbirds are fairly easy to distinguish from the native population. They are generally seen on surface streets and freeways and are easy to pick out as they are going at least 15 MPH slower than the posted speed limit. By February they have sped up somewhat and can be a bit harder to identify. If you find yourself having a hard time picking them out, here are some helpful things to be on the lookout for;

1) A dead giveaway is the "plumage" on the backs of the vehicles. Anything that says Michigan, Minnesota, or Iowa is a good determining factor. Also, anything related in any way to Canada (usually but not limited to British Columbia and Alberta) is a clear sign that you have spotted the International Snowbird. 

2) If you find this to be too difficult just try checking any small SUV manufactured by Lexus or Acura, as that is generally where they "nest."

3) Snowbirds tend to be fascinated with "nature" and can be identified by the slowing down to a crawl every time a saguaro cactus is passed.

Here are a few photos we have complied to help you--

Outside of roadways there are several locations where snowbirds can be regularly located and, if desired, photographed. The first and foremost location is a golf course or golf club. A large portion of the population of this location will be snowbirds, although they are harder to distinguish here since they tend to blend with the natives.

Next is the RV parks. These are made up solely of snowbirds, but they tend to be the less vibrant types. Lastly is the grocery store. You can find all types here, and again the Lexus or Acura in parking lot is a giveaway.

Finally, if you are still having trouble finding a snowbird in the wild after all this, or you are obsessed with finding the rarer International Snowbird, you can take a weekend getaway or long day trip for the devoted bird watcher. From Phoenix if you head weston I10 for 2 hours, you will be in Quartzsite, AZ, the winter nesting grounds of the Canadian RV Snowbird. This is a guaranteed way to get your fill of snowbirds before they head back north for the summer months.

Please remember that Snowbirds are a protected species here in Arizona, therefore and hunting or harassing of them is illegal. We hope this has been helpful!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

I Have An Addiction

Years ago, before kids, I smoked cigarettes. I smoked a lot of cigarettes. I smoked from the time I was 17 until I was 28. 11 years, if you are slow at the math. For the bulk of that time I smoked at least a pack a day. Drinking and nightclubs? Closer to 2 packs.

So I know a little something about addiction.

The planning of your route so that you can hit the quickie mart on the same side of the street as the way you are traveling to minimize your inconvenience. 

The going to the same places so often that the people there know you and what you want. 

The way you leave early so you have enough time to smoke or pick up cigarettes before you get where you are going.

The trouble deciding, when you are running late, if you risk being late to stop or sit outside and smoke?

The wondering when you are driving in an unfamiliar area if you should stop now, even though you don't need to, in case there is no where to smoke when you get where you are going.

And the confusion when you think of quitting. The questions of...well, what will I do if I don't have this? 

So, you will need to believe me when I tell you I have an addiction.

I am addicted to Starbucks.

I have photos of me and my Starbucks at Big Ben. Because I looked up the one 1 closest to my Air BnB when we went to London.

I have photos of me and my Starbucks at Disneyland (yes! they added Starbucks and I, for one, was beside myself with JOY!)

I know where they all are on the route to California we always drive and where they all are in Malibu.

There are several I go to around home where they know me. I have all the routes and ones with drive-thrus mapped in my area. I always leave home early so we can swing by. I drink one nearly every single day. Some days I go twice.

And for my birthday in August, my dealers gave me $225.00 in gift cards.

I may need an intervention soon!

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Hi Bob! For the First Presidential Debate

For those of you who are sad and pathetic didn't live through the 80's, you might not know what "Hi Bob" is. You could Google it, or check with Urban Dictionary, or just listen to me. I am going to change your life and it will be great I tell you. I know all the best games...but I digress. Hi Bob is a drinking game played to the old Bob Newhart show. When ever anyone said ....wait for it...."Hi Bob", you had to drink. Easy right? Even for an idiot like Trump a drunk!

So, for the first Presidential debate of this illustrious election season, I propose a drinking game! Just like in Hi Bob, you have to drink when certain things are said. We are going to switch it up a little and add different types of booze you are required to drink, and I do not suggest you drive after playing!


You will need approximately this much alcohol

Let's play "OH SHIT!"  (as in Oh Shit One Of These People Is Going To Be President!)

You must drink your alcoholic beverage of choice every time anyone says "As your President..." (this is guaranteed to get you plastered all on its own and by 1 hour in, you will be thanking me!)

You must toast with champagne whenever anyone mentions "tax returns." (it may be premature but we are toasting the demise of DT that will follow people finding that he doesn't have nearly as much money as he says he does.)

You must take a shot of Jaegermeister whenever anyone mentions "private email server" or Benghazi. (because BARF!)

You must chug a can of warm Budweiser at the first mention of 9/11. (because using a national tragedy for political gain should turn your stomach.)

You must drink a shot of Mezcal tequila every time Trump mentions "the Wall" and if he says "Mexico will pay for it" the last person to finish their shot also has to eat the worm at the bottom of the bottle.

Seriously, there is a worm. I have seen it.

You must drink a shot of vodka each time someone mentions "Putin" "Russia" or "hackers."

You must drink the alcoholic beverage of choice of the person to your right every time Trump talks over the moderator and won't stop when he is supposed to.

You must drink the alcoholic beverage of choice of the person to your left every time Trump calls someone a name.

If Trump wins you must drink all the alcoholic beverages in the house in hopes of getting alcohol poisoning and dropping into a coma so you don't have to live through end of the world.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Autocorrect Insanity

You autocorrect has gone crazy. It was always a little off, if you know what I mean. But I updated to whatever the new Mac OS is, Snow Elephant Everest or something, and it has gone into crazy overdrive.

Now, whenever I type something incorrectly (because my fingernails are too long and I am a lazy typist, not because I cant spell!) instead of underlining it and offering me something new, it just changes it to whatever it wants, no matter how bizarre and unused the word might be.

I'm not even sure some of this stuff is in English. 

Now all the people of the interwebs think I am a moron who cannot spell and cannot type. Or that I am some sort of weirdo who writes things like "I wish they taught duvet ed in school." Which should be drivers ed, FFS! Because if you need to be taught to use a duvet in school you have worse problems than I do. 

Whats even worse is that I am too lazy to text either, so I always use voice text and that thing is certifiably insane.

I'm pretty sure everyone who has crossed my path lately things I am some sort of blithering idiot! But I;m not! I swear!!  

It's just these evil electronics.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Teaching Teens To Drive

I'm on driver number 3 here and there are a few things that I have learned through these harrowing, near death experiences that seem to be universal. If you have never had the distinct pleasure of teaching a teenager how to drive, I will share them with you!

* They DO NOT understand the difference between where they are sitting and the middle of the car. I'm guessing this has something to do with bikes and scooters. Where ever they were was where the "vehicle" was. But in a car, they are on the left side. It's a subtle distinction, but when they try to treat themselves as the "center" and thus center the car in the lane, the passenger side (on which you are now seated!) is shoved off the side of the road. This also becomes a problem when trying to go around a parked car. They don't want to get themselves too far over to the left, so we are constantly almost side-swiping everyone!

* They either go really fast or really slow. They start slow but then when you tell them to speed up, they go too fast. It's like they don't understand 35 or 40 mph at all.

*  They stop for everything or they stop for nothing. Everything is better, even if it pisses off the people behind you (and it will.)

* Turning corners is harder than it looks. Or seems when you are doing it. It is, apparently, really freaking hard. 

* Trying to determine when to pull out if there is a car anywhere to be seen in either direction is an art form. You may worry that you will get t-boned before they master it, but no fear. You will just back up traffic all the way to Mexico waiting for the road to clear.

* Four way stops are bad. They never want to take their turn. You could grow old and gray waiting.

*  Looking over your shoulder to change lanes is HORRIFYING because they fear taking their eyes off what's in front of them. It's also horrifying for you as the passenger. If you are going to die, it will probably be here.

* They are afraid of all the other people on the road. Every single one of them. It makes for an interesting experience if you live in a big city and are trying to find a time to get them practice without terrifying them at the same time. Sunday mornings, early, are the best.

* Merging on the freeway is a fate worse than death. For everyone involved. This is where the student driver signs come in handy. Otherwise God knows what will become of you.

Thing 2 had her first lesson today. It is going to be a long 6 months.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

You Can't Go Home Again

Yesterday we were out all day, heading north to visit our hometown and my husbands family. As we drove through it reminded me of a conversation with my neighbor several years back. He was going home for his 20 year high school reunion and was explaining to me that there were 1200 people in his hometown when he was growing up. I asked him how many lived there now and he just looked at me and said "About 1200."

When I moved to my hometown as a kid there were something like 25 thousand people there. When I left there were around 40-45 thousand. Now? There are something like 100 thousand. So when I say I cant go home again, what I mean is my hometown is hard to find anymore. Some of the old things are still there, but for the most part businesses have changed hands, once busy areas of town are now dead as growth has occurred at the other end, things have been torn down and new things take their place. The roads have been widened and re-routed to accommodate traffic. It resembles my hometown in many ways, but it is also I town I don't necessarily know my way around anymore either.

My family left there years after I did, but The Hubs parent and brothers both still live there, so we get there often enough. But maybe it is the lack of anything tying me to that town that makes it seem like "somewhere else" instead of "home." Or maybe it is because every time I went there, for countless years, I would always see someone I knew every where I went. Now? I can go for days on end and run into no one I recognize.

Funny thing is that I don't really feel like the city I have been living in for the last 25 years is Home either. It is just where I happen to live. 

It's a strange feeling....being rootless. The Hubs and I talk about making our way to the Pacific Northwest some day. Maybe not feeling rooted will make that possible. Or maybe, once I leave here I will realize it really was home all along.