Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Eulogy For A Minivan

Dearly Beloved

We Are Gathered Here Today

To honor one among us who has passed on...

My dearest Kia Sedona Minivan. Born in 2006, she was a sight to behold in her younger days. So shiny, so dent free, front bumper still in one piece. Her V6 engine provided us with a lot of zip despite her size. She was full of vigor. 

As she grew older, things got harder for her, until she was finally diagnosed with a Failing Transmission. Unfortunately, she was also diagnosed with the terrible condition best described as "Your Repairs Will Cost More Than You Are Worth." The mechanics did all they could, but it just wasn't to be.

It has been hard for us to let her go. She will be fondly remembered for all that she endured and all that she has given us throughout her lifetime.

She comforted our butts as we traveled. And the places we went! To the mountains, to the snow, to the beach, to DISNEYLAND! She was always with us. She came into our lives when The Spawn were 9 and 5 years old. She has seen and done it all. Visits to the zoo, field trips, carpool, car seats everywhere. She endured with patience the spilled soda, neglected sippy cups under her seats, the goldfish ground into the carpet, the vomit. Oh, the vomit. Once, she even had a bunch of crayons melted in her cup holder by the summer heat! Good times.

She also had the bravery to teach two teenagers how to drive. Crossing dirt roads through northern Arizona, she helped guide them over ruts and cattle guards, away from trees and taught them not to panic when cows approached the car.

She was a solid car, giving us little trouble over the years. Why, you hardly ever even knew she was there until her check engine light started coming on regularly. We are so glad that she got to go on her dream trip of traveling the California Coast Highway from Malibu to Monterey before she became ill.

We will miss her reliable starting, her ice cold AC, and her quirky CD player that had a funny way of only working when it felt like it! We will miss her roomy interior, her fold down seats, and her new tires. Ugh.

She did so many things well in her lifetime, from gathering groceries to hauling loads of kids to and from school every single day. She would never complain when they slammed her sliding doors or when they left their water bottles and lunch boxes to roll around on the floor. We watched movies with her (her favorite was UP), we rocked to everything from Madonna to AC/DC (she loved 80's music.) She is the only one who knows how truly bad my singing voice really is.

Words cannot describe how much we will miss her. As a matter of fact, The Hubs spent a considerable amount of time just yesterday trying to convince me to get a brand new Sedona minivan, so great was her impact on our lives.

So, as we watch with sorrow as she passes from us, we are pleased to say she is survived by her daughter, a 2016 Kia Sorento. We look forward to seeing her again someday when we pass through the automotive afterlife.

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