Friday, January 30, 2015

18 Ways Teenagers Are Just Like Toddlers

If you thought that somewhere along this parenting journey things were going to get considerably better, just let me burst that bubble for you right now. I know I thought it. Once they can __________ (fill in the blank) walk, talk, go to the potty, go to school, etc., it will be so much easier! Sorry, but that doesn't actually happen. Face it now and you will be much better off.  There are many things that don't actually ever go away.  Sure, they might take a little hiatus, but they will be back with a vengeance when the Terrible Teens are upon you. Be careful about casting that pitying look on the toddler mom in the middle of the grocery store because when the Terrible Teens do arrive, you will having a sickening sense of deja vu as you realize just how much like toddlers your teenagers are...

1.  They whine. Incessantly. About everything and nothing at all.

2.  They are expensive. Diapers? Toys? Teenage boy's car insurance premium? There               will be nothing left for college for anyone. I'm pretty sure there is nothing left now.

3.  All they want to eat is pizza and french fries. If I see another pizza I'm going to vomit.

4.  They are loud. Annoyingly loud. So are their friends.

5.  They wake you up in the middle of the night. See #4. Crying from nightmares has nothing on teenage boys playing Call of Duty as far as noise level and parental involvement goes.  

6.  All drama, all the time.  Teenage girls, middle school.  Need I say more?

7.  They try to run away from you at the mall. The only difference here being that now I let          them.

8.  They are messy. Toys everywhere. Stinky socks everywhere. hard is it          to put them in a laundry basket?  Exceedingly hard is what I'm gathering.

9.  They dress themselves in weird clothes that don't match.

10.  They smell. The difference between poopy diapers, Axe body spray and B.O. is                    negligible.

11.  They are grouchy when they wake up and fight you about going to bed.

same look, different kid

12.  They sleep a lot. Which does exactly no good. See #11

13.  They want all your stuff and a pox be upon you if you touch theirs!

14.  They don't know anything. Point to Team Toddler here. They actually don't know                    anything.

15.  They can catch the slightest whiff of anything even remotely "educational" and want              NOTHING to do with it.

16.  They can not do anything for themselves. "Mom, I'm hungry." Go ahead, try to guess            the age of the person saying that. Good luck. Honestly, somewhere around 8 years old they became quite self sufficient. Then the novelty apparently wore off.

17.  They have poor taste. All the movies,TV shows, music, etc. suck.  Ok, maybe not all.            I have a soft spot for Winnie the Pooh.

18.  They think the world revolves around them.

There is so much more I could add about hissy fits, temper tantrums, etc., but just know this…the more things change, the more they stay the same. Forewarned is forearmed Mama.

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